Sometimes your up, and sometimes your down.

This week the whole notorious "raging pregnancy hormones" thing has definately kicked in. I find myself going sky high and then dirt low in a matter of minutes. The weirdest thing about it? I know its happening. Like I watch my own self in slow mothing go from normal happy person to raging witch and I know I am doing it but I cant seem to stop it haha. I have basically just asked David to try and not argue with me even when I am being a pain because it just adds fuel to my fire and works me up more. I told him that for sanity sakes lets just assume I am right for the next 5 months, even if I am wrong and when this is all over... he can be right for 9 months straight to make up for lost time lol. I mean, hell hath no fury like a scorned pregnant woman right? lol.

Work has become sort of a drag this week. I was doing really well, and was pretty confident in my abilities and work ethic. I was getting along great with my boss and stuff was just moving along seemingly well. However, that has come to a hault more or less. Duties keep getting added on, and time availability keeps getting taken away. So now I am expected to do more, with less time. My whole legal team has been feeling the sting of our Judges new expectations. So luckily, its not just me feeling this way. Thats how I know that this is an actual problem and not a personal issue that I am only having. I tried to talk to my Judge about it but it definately didnt help, infact I think it actually did more harm. I have just been trying to stay out of her way and do my best to get stuff done to her standards. Its just hard, and I am tired, and I need to take frequent breakts to use the restroom, throw up, get water, etc. While this is just a JOB to me, and not a career... I really dislike it. I want to be working with kids, or people. I want to be helping and making a differenec. Not stuck in a cube, or hearing room, hearing nasty attornies and poor elderly people fight. Im tired of the same conversation, work, and just day over and over again here at my job. Dont get me wrong, I am SUPER grateful to be working. I know many people who have been laid off and unable to find new work so I am very grateful to have a job. It just isnt my dream job, and its getting more and more nightmare-ish as time passes.

I just need to make it to the end of this pregnancy. Then I will have a few months to focus on parenting and my baby and enjoying that special time. Then I can re-evaluate my plans as far as work goes. Up until now I have planned on going back to work but as work becomes worse and worse, and the baby becomes realer and realer... I dont know exactly what I will do. I definately wont be staying home unless David gets a massive promotion or new job all together that affords him to bring home close to what we bring home combined now. If that cant happen then I will look into my options. There is always coming back to work here, finding something part time, possibly nannying, etc. Im just keeping an open heart about it and praying and hoping that the Lord directs me to where I need to be.

On a happier note:
Today is David & I's three year wedding annivesary!! Can you believe that!? The time has flown by so quickly. It feels like just the other day he was getting home from his mission, and then we were getting engaged, and then married. How could it have been 1,095 days since we got married! I guess when your happy and feel the love you dont measure the time, you just enjoy the time. Ya know? I look back at our marriage and realize the Lords plans for us now, but I couldnt always see it when I was in the moment. Its amazing that while we go through trials we cant always see the purpose. I am not "glad", but I am understanding why we went through everything we have so far. Look at us now? David is graduating, I am back in school, we are expecting a baby in the spring... life is on a roll!

Well, now that I have goofed off on this blog for like 10 minutes I need to close it up and get to work. Hope everyone had a safe and fun Halloween! Brace yourself for thanksgiving... and BLACK FRIDAY! (woo hoo!! I love black friday!).

love, Cas